Tales from Tru – V

Note from Cyn: Longtime readers and friends of the RSC know “Tru” very well! He has graciously offered to occasionally contribute to the blog in times when the spirit moves him. Below is his latest offering

Boston, MA
July 2, 2008
Boston Gullible
By U. Ben Hadd

Strawbery Banke Inks with Red Sox

Portsmouth, New Hampshire is roughly an hour and ten minute drive from Yawkey Way. It’s longer if you take the scenic route, meandering up route 1A and 1B. Featuring one of the shortest coastlines anywhere, Portsmouth is home to New Hampshire’s deep water port, and the Naval Shipyard, which Maine residents like to argue about because it’s in Kittery. Jack Nicholson was there in the early seventies filming “The Last Detail”, as he, Otis Young and Randy Quaid made their way to the Portsmouth Naval jail, found in the historic harbor. Portsmouth today, is a tourist destination, chock filled with abundant local craftsman, shopping and restaurants to delight every taste. It is where you will find Strawbery Banke, the recreation village much like Plimouth Plantation in neighboring Massachusetts.

Little did Captain Walter Neal and his small band realize that their settlement near the mouth of the Piscataqua river would become a focal point for the Boston Red Sox. Baseball had not yet been invented in 1630.

Sam Kennedy, the Red Sox executive vice president of sales and marketing, along with Jeremy Kapstein, special projects coordinator have teamed up with the curators of Strawbery Banke and reached accord on marketing the Pink Barrel, or “PB”, as the chief cooper likes to call it. The barrel is the Red Sox latest marketing promotion that ties the fan to the team, while earning profits, with a portion of the proceeds benefiting local charities.

At a press conference in Prescott Park gardens, Martha Fuller Clark, vice chair on the board of trustees stated that the relationship between the museum and the Red Sox will have “lasting and important impact on Strawbery Banke and those who support it.” Although financial details were not disclosed, insiders suggest that the cooperage may produce as many as five to six thousand barrels. Kapstein was buoyant in describing the promotion, “We have now been able to reach out to a special segment of our Red Sox Nation. Fans who are certain the Red Sox will fail, and are in an elite economic stratum, can purchase a Pink Barrel and use it to go over the falls.”

The barrels come as basic model featuring a padded seat with the Sox logo, a box of tissues, a Fenway snack box, team photo and bumper sticker decal. Options are plentiful and can range from portable DVD players that have the Red Sox greatest losing moments, up to air fare and accommodations to water falls anywhere in the world. Kennedy sees the promotion as satisfying the needs of all fans. “We want to include everybody, and leave no fan behind”, he quipped. The barrels start at $1,500.00 for the base model. Depending on your choice of waterfall, the prices can soar into the tens of thousands. Iguazu Falls that separate Argentina and Brazil is already reporting bookings for later in July, and prices are topping out at a mere $25,000.00. Insurance is a requirement before any barrels can be purchased.

All barrels are painted pink, with the Red Sox logo prominently displayed on the top and bottom.

Allan Selig, baseball’s commissioner marvels at the Red Sox ingenuity, and believes the idea will catch on around the league. “What the Red Sox have done, is opened the door to new ideas and ways that will reach fans of every stripe. This is good for baseball”, he said. And apparently other teams are pondering how they might launch programs of their own. The New York Mets are considering a bridge jumping program, using New York’s famous George Washington Bridge. However, the New York Yankees are said to be considering legal action to prohibit exclusive jumping rights.

Ron Raisless, head cooper at Strawbery Banke has been with the museum for more than twenty years and is introspective, wondering about requirements of the pink paint. “No one has said anything about ensuring we conform to period colors. You just don’t go down to the local Ace Hardware store and pick up a gallon or two.”