I like my subject line. It’s catchy. Grabs you right away doesn’t it? Just like, say, “Dodger Fans Get No Love From Nomar“.
Click on the link if you like, but I can sum it up thusly: Pearlman had nothing to write about so after seeing Nomar look a little cranky during an autograph signing he decided to write a piece about how shitty Nomar treats the fans.
You remember Pearlman. He wrote that John Rocker piece all those years ago. And a book about Barry Bonds. Dig him, he’s edgy. So now he’s writing for ESPN.com and he has to compete with the likes of…well, hell, you all know who writes for ESPN.com. What’s a guy going to do? There are only so many steroid users willing to give him an interview.
Let’s read about what a horror show Nomar is:
In one of the least fan-friendly displays I’ve ever witnessed as a baseball writer, Garciaparra spent the absolute minimum amount of time signing. He never looked up. He never said a word. When fans offered a hearty “Good luck!” or said “You’ve always been my favorite!” he either grunted or pretended the sentiment was never expressed. If someone made the “mistake” of requesting that he sign a ball on the sweet spot, Garciaparra actually went out of his way not to. Though the rope between Garciaparra and the fans was no more than half-an-inch thick, it felt like the Great Wall of China. All attempts at small talk began with a Dodger loyalist’s enthusiasm and ended with the Dodger third baseman’s body language, which screamed “I’m Nomar, you’re not — please don’t touch me.”
Cry me a river, Jeff. Would you like Nomar to tap dance through the crowd and french kiss all the women while sprinkling the children with pixie dust? Are you so out of touch with the sport you cover that you don’t know up front that Nomar is an odd duck? The Fenway Faithful knew this all along. Nomar is a good guy. Did a lot around here for charity and if you ask around there are probably more fans with good stories about him than bad. He’s just not so big on the public stuff. This isn’t news.
Oh, the poor autograph hounds who want to take their signed baseballs and sell them on eBay. But now they won’t get as much money because Nomar doesn’t sign on the sweet spot.
You can’t possibly be serious with this shit, Jeff. A player signs a ball for me and the last thing I do is tell him how and where to sign it. What fan (who didn’t plan on profiting from a player’s autograph) cares where Nomar signs? Nomar took the time to sign. That’s good enough for me.
Take that stick that you pulled out of your ass so you could stir the shit, Jeff, and shove it right back in.
Speaking of Pearlman’s ass, he pulls these names out of it to show you how a GOOD guy/player should act:
Derek Lowe, Scott Proctor, Matt Kemp, Juan Pierre — they all got the drill.
Derek Lowe?
Derek Friggin’ Lowe?
He’ll always have a place in my heart for the post-season ass kicking he did in both 2003 and 2004. I’d probably even buy him a drink if I ever saw him in a bar. I’d also probably sign myself up for a Silkwood Shower if he even just touched my hand. Again, does Pearlman even realize what the hell he’s writing?
You want to illustrate the difference between the evil Nomar and the saintly other Dodgers who will happily sign autographs for the fans and you throw Derek Lowe and Scott Proctor at us? Of COURSE they were nice to the fans, they were probably scoping out the groupies for their next piece of ass. Color me impressed.
Nomar never struck me as someone who likes a lot of contact with people. He seemed perfectly good to the fans, but you could always tell he was a little uncomfortable. This isn’t a reason to start a smear campaign against him just to fill your obligation to write a column.
Nomar didn’t smile while he signed autographs! The Dodgers don’t need a guy like him on their team! Let’s get more guys who leave their wives so they can bang Erin Andrews wannabes, get totally fucked up before big games or set all their shit on fire on the baseball field. THEY’RE the real heroes. Not the one who set up a foundation to help kids or who jumped into Boston Harbor and saved the lives of two women. Who the hell would want THAT guy on their team?
It’s good to know that Jeff Pearlman has standards.
(Photo lifted from men.style.com)
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